footballderpAs yet another load (or should that be clan? Pack?) of footballers are up on pack rape charges (this time AFL players not thugby), so comes another round of  ’she was asking for it because…’. Today’s news was nauseatingly overwhelmed by pictures of Kerry-Anne Kennel and some Neanderthal asshat I’m assured can catch a ball really well, accompanied by their continual assertion that, ‘herp derp derp derp herp derp hurrrrrrrrrrr asking for it’ or something along those lines.

The only upside of this was a brilliant link that was posted on a forum today in a thread on this topic. Entitled “Preventing Sexual Assault: Tips Guaranteed to Work“, it contains ten sure-fire ways to avoid sexual assault.  This really needs to be shared since clearly the alternative list entitled “Why All Women Should Stay Indoors With The Blinds Drawn, Wearing An Everlast Chastity Belt and Never Talking To Anything With A Penis” wasn’t all that practical to most of us.

So thank you to Feminist Philosophers for this helpful list!

Preventing sexual assault: Tips guaranteed to work!

Please distribute this list. Put it up in your place of work, in your university’s library or wherever you think they might be read:

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.